Break Up With These Men And We’ll Tell You When You’ll Get Married
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How does that saying go? You have to kiss a few frogs before meeting your prince? Does that also mean you have to wade through a swamp of unsolicited you-know-what-pics, act interested in whatever nonsense some dude is obsessed with, or spend years with someone only to find out they’re actually a huShow More
How does that saying go? You have to kiss a few frogs before meeting your prince? Does that also mean you have to wade through a swamp of unsolicited you-know-what-pics, act interested in whatever nonsense some dude is obsessed with, or spend years with someone only to find out they’re actually a human garbage monster? Because that sounds like a more apt phrase, but we get how that won’t fit on a bumper sticker. So, before you get married, it’s safe to say that you’ll probably have to break a few hearts or get your heart broken. And what better indicator of when you’ll commit to someone for the rest of your life than measuring how you kick unwanted people out of it!
Admittedly, some breakups are completely devastating, and those are in here, too. But, we’ve set up twelve scenarios that you need to wiggle your way out of before you walk down the aisle. When? We’ll tell you when you dump these dudes, so get a move on!
You've gone on a few dates with this gentleman, but ultimately you're just not interested. What do you say to let him down easy?
- I don’t like you like that, sorry.
- I’m just not feeling a connection here.
- I’m not attracted to you.
- I like you better as a friend.
- Thanks, but no thanks. BYE!
- Don’t say anything. Just ghost them.
This guy was totally perfect... until you caught him cheating on you. What do you have to say to him?
- YOU LYING, CONNIVING JERK!!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!
- Well, it looks like you’ll get what you want after all. We’re done here.
- I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL YOU SCUMBAG!
- You’re obviously not serious about committing to me. BYE!
- When you find what you think you’re missing, let me know, but I won’t be waiting for you.
- *cries*
You'd totally stay with this charmer, but you're moving across the country. How do you break the news?
- I’m moving and if I’m being honest, I’m not into doing long distance, so it’s best if we end it now.
- I really hate to say it but I’m moving and I wish I wasn’t but this opportunity is really cool and I’m sorry, I’m just so sorry.
- I love you, I would marry you, but I’m moving and you’re staying. So…
- I’m moving and I guess this is it, then.
- I’d just move, say nothing. He’ll figure it out.
Now, name calling is never okay in a break up, but if you actually were to hurl an insult someone's way, what weapon of choice would you use?
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Your dinner date was going fine until this guy was super rude and awful to your server. How do you let him know that he sucks?
- I don’t think I can date someone who treats people like that.
- Do you have any idea? They work for tips!
- Are those your everybody manners or do you have a personal vendetta against waiters?
- I used to be a server and I’m taking this personally.
- Do you have anything better to do with your time and energy?
This funny guy just said something terrible. It's horribly offensive and he thinks it's hilarious. Tell him off! But what do you tell him?
- I can’t be with someone who believes something like that.
- Even if you meant it as a joke, that’s not funny and I can’t be with someone who thinks it is.
- You’re an absolute trash fire of a person and I hate you.
- Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! You can’t be serious right now!
- I just, um, can’t see you anymore.
This guy got way too possessive and clingy for your liking. You're getting claustrophobic. What do you tell him?
- I just need some space.
- You’re looking for something I can’t give and we shouldn’t be together right now.
- You’re too possessive and clingy and you need to fix that before you get into a relationship with anyone else and that person should not be me.
- You need to back off. All the way off. We’re done.
- I’m not JUST yours. I love that you’re so into me, but this is a little too much.
You really hit it off with this guy... when you aren't hooking up. Zero chemistry, the worst kisser - you can't hide it anymore! You can't continue to be with him. So, what do you say?
- We should be friends.
- I love hanging out with you, but I don’t want to be with you.
- You kiss like a fish and I feel nothing when we hook up.
- Something isn’t clicking. I can’t explain it, I’m so sorry.
- You’re great, but we’re not a good match.
- It’s not me, it’s you.
Now, with this guy, everything about hooking up is mind-blowing and amazing. Everything else? Sucks. It's like you have nothing in common. How do you dump him?
- We can keep hooking up, but I don’t want to date you anymore.
- The sex is great, don’t get me wrong, but beyond that I’m not sure what we have.
- I like it better when you aren’t talking and that’s the main problem here.
- I can’t put my finger on it but I don’t think we’re a match.
- You’re great, but we can’t date. That rhymed didn’t it? I’m sorry about both those things.
It's not recommended that you throw anything during a fight or a break up. But, if this person weren't getting the point, what would you throw at them?
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This was the cause for many breakups two years ago and it still is. You found out this person voted for the wrong candidate in 2016. You have to end it. But what do you say to him?
- You’re straight up evil and I can’t be with you.
- I don’t think we have the same values, so in the long run I know this won’t be a match.
- I can’t be with someone this unbearably ignorant.
- It’s not personal, but since the political is personal, I guess it is.
- You suck. BYE!
Are you ready for the worst break up of all time? There's nothing wrong with this relationship! But, this isn't the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Let him down easy.
- This is the worst and I’m so, so sorry.
- Ultimately, I know you aren’t my husband. There’s no other way to put it.
- I love you, but I’m not in love with you.
- Something’s missing and I don’t think we can fix it.
- I know there’s more than one match for everyone out there, but I still don’t think you’re it for me.
- *cries hysterically*
Last question - how would you rate this quiz?
- I loved it!
- It was pretty okay.
- Not great…
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