Don’t Tell The Reverend You’re Using The Internet, But Take This Quiz To See Which Mole Woman You Are From Kimmy Schmidt!
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It’s easy to judge characters on TV. You think that if in that situation, you’d totally behave differently, be different, and generally do it all better than them. Well, what if you got kidnapped, tortured, sucked into a cult, and held in a bunker underground for years on end? Still, think you’d havShow More
It’s easy to judge characters on TV. You think that if in that situation, you’d totally behave differently, be different, and generally do it all better than them. Well, what if you got kidnapped, tortured, sucked into a cult, and held in a bunker underground for years on end? Still, think you’d have it all together, or would you crack? Everyone handles trauma differently and it’s shown in the neon-bright, extremely funny Netflix series Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. We’re talking about the infamous “mole woman.”
Let’s not forget where our girl Kimmy came from, y’know? This whole series revolves around some seriously dark stuff. So do you have what it takes to survive and keep your wits about you in sycophant Richard Gary Wayne’s hellacious bunker where he traps and kidnaps women? I mean, unless this actually happened to you, there’s no way to know, but we pulled some scenarios from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt to see how you’d fare.
Getting kidnapped, put in a bunker, and routinely abused by a cult leader sucks. But, what's the thing you miss most about life on the outside (other than the obvious)?
- My friends
- My parents? Um, I don’t know…
- Eating whatever I want, whenever I want
- Being able to have alone time
You and your bunker-mates are stuck with each other, for better or worse. Friends or not, what would you say is the thing they appreciate most about you as a person?
- I’m a good listener
- I’m an optimist
- I’m really, really funny
- I’m strong. Mentally, I mean. Physically? Eh.
Quick question: that crank you have to turn over and over again? For no reason? How do you feel about it?
- Sure, why not? I mean, what else am I doing?
- I’d rather die than turn that f#%king crank ever again.
Kidnap and torture is well, torturous. Close your eyes and imagine you're somewhere else. It's how you get through.
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You and your fellow "mole women" should play a game to pass the time. You don't know how long you'll be down there. What do you want to play?
- Charades
- Tic-tac-toe with some sticks in the dirt. So what if we don’t have pens!
- I spy with my little eye…
- The quiet game. Whoever talks first loses.
Human interaction is limited, so the "mole women" in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt get creative. Play pretend and act out a scenario with people who aren't there. What do you do?
- Someone is my crush from high school and I’m me.
- Someone’s a prince and I’m a princess.
- I’m literally anyone else doing anything else and so is everybody else.
- I’m not here right now. End of scenario.
So, the reverend says that you're in there because of the apocalypse. What do you think about it? Did the end of the world really happen? Is it happening oson?
- Yes, it’s happening! It’s why we’re all here, dummy.
- I don’t know, but you know what? Neither do you.
- Eh, it could be?
- Do you seriously think for one second that this guy pulled us, specifically, into this hole to “protect” us from the APOCALYPSE?!
Hatching an escape plan is easier said than done. How do you try to get word out that you all are trapped in an underground bunker?
- SCREAMING!
- Dig a tunnel? At least we have to try, right?
- Leaving clues when and where I can when the reverend brings us to his house and out of the bunker.
- Dying. Let the body disposal be the incriminating evidence that gets this man arrested.
Captivity sucks. Don't get us wrong! What's the one part of being abducted into a cult that you don't mind as much as the torture and brainwashing?
- Not having to go shopping because we have a uniform.
- Not having to go in to work or hold down a job.
- Having built-in friends.
- The reverend. Oops!
There's a song that's stuck in your head and you're going to sing it at full volume because there's no radio or way to listen to music down there. What's that song?
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Realistically, do you think - deep down - that you'll ever get out of this bunker?
- Yes, I’m counting on it
- I mean, I’m not gonna hang my hat on that ever happening, but it’d be nice.
- Nope! This is my life now.
What's one of the first things you'll do when you get out and back into free world?
- Watch TV
- Get a burger
- Look for my family
- RUN BACK IN! TAKE ME BACK!
Last question - how would you rate this quiz?
- I loved it!
- It was pretty okay.
- Not great…
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