Which Member of the Griswolds Are You?

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First things first, where does your family get your tree?

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Just a string around the tree
Some in the living room and some in the kitchen
I usually light up the door and around a few windows
I light up a couple of the trees outside.
The entire house becomes one giant light bulb sucking the power from the rest of the city

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12

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You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.
I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.
Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn; the clean, cool chill of the holiday air; and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.
Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?